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March 09, 2005

Drive-By Mommies

Boy, if this isn't a circular entry, I don't know what is. There was a great entry today on dooce.com about a horrible, horrible email that she received and her wonderful response to it. She refers to the phenomenon of "drive-by mothering," the topic of a long and interesting thread on a couple of other notable mommy blogs.

I guess what it comes down to is that we don't cease to be individuals because we have children. We don't start becoming public property. We do become something different than we were before, but that something different includes what we were before. I guess some of your choices just become a lot more public when you become a mother, but our culture has enough issues with women and a big enough dearth of support for mothers without so much judgement going on. It is true that pregnancy and motherhood feels so much different, more personal, than so many other choices we make, so it is ironic that it is so ripe for public commentary. At the same time, it makes it so much easier for us to feel that choices different than ours are somehow fraught with judgement about our own choices. But if we weren't made to fear being labeled a "bad" mother, other choices might not feel so threatening.

I just want to thank all of the women in my life who have been so supportive so far of my choices. My mother, my friends, the other pregnant women I know, who have told me that I can do it, that I can have a natural childbirth, that it's ok that I'm doing it in the hospital, that it's ok that I'm not doing it the way that they did it, that I will be a good mother. Thank you.

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