Which brings me to my next topic- my little c-section breakthrough. I have been unreasonably terrified of c-section up until now. I can't watch a sitcom where someone has one without bursting into tears. One of the midwives last week basically totally blew me off about it, probably assuming that I was one of those women with the Perfect Birth fetish who will feel a failure as a woman if she doesn't have a completely natural childbirth and textbook labor. That's not it at all. My first priority is having a healthy baby. I am simply very frightened of being cut open, and of how recovery will affect me and my ability to care for a child. After steaming for a few hours about how the midwife treated me ("If you're afraid of a section and you don't deal with it, you WILL end up having a section"), I stumbled onto the problem.

I had an appendectomy when I was 13. They didn't know what was wrong with me, though they suspected appendicitis. I was taken to the emergency room, and before I knew it, I was prepped for surgery and woke up 7 hours later groggy, in shock, with a 5-inch incision in my abdomen. They had done exploratory surgery, hence I have a larger, vertical scar rather than the usual tiny appendectomy one. My recovery seemed like it took FOREVER and I remember feeling very helpless and frustrated. When you're 13, ten weeks is an entire summer vacation and feels like an eternity.

Now that I went through remembering that whole thing, I realized that my vision of c-section and the feelings of recovery look an awful lot like that. But it wouldn't be like that at all. So, I actually saw a video in a birth class that included a c-section on Saturday, and I didn't get upset. I still don't like the idea, but I think know that I at least can get my hands around what's bugging me, maybe I'll be ok.

Couple things: haven't had dreams about giving birth to puppies, but I have had dreams about giving birth to cats. Next, regarding the C-section. For me, the actual operation itself wasn't so bad; my bad experiences had to do with nasty, jaded nurses and hospital staff and me being too shy to open my mouth. Naturally, most people don't want one, but if it has to happen, I have total confidence that you'll handle it fine, especially with Adam helping. If there's anything you want to know about how my operation went, or my recovery, ask away!

I'm terrified of a C-section. Really. And at times, I'm terrified of labor and delivery in general! hehe :) But hopefully whatever happens, I'll be able to get through it just fine (and Jeff will be there with me). If I have to have a C-section, so be it ... I want our son to be healthy. I pray that I won't have to have one, but you just don't know. I'm glad to hear that someone else has fears about a C-section like I do.