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May 20, 2005
Officially Unemployed
Today is the first day of my new life as a housewife. Well, that's maybe putting it a bit strongly, but for the first time in my adult life, I do not have a full-time, wage-paying job. Even though I had grown to hate my job, I still really have mixed feelings about this. I was very proud of myself that I pulled no punches in the exit interview. I was diplomatic, but I made sure that some of my concerns were aired.
I'm thrilled that I get a little bit of time to relax and center before I have the baby, but it's laced with a little bit of panic. Panic about money, about the future, and about my own identity. Although I plan to pick up freelance design and writing/editing work where I can, reality is that this new little creature in our lives is going to pretty much dominate my life for the next year. I wouldn't miss it for the world, but there's the little part of my brain whispering to me that I've come so far with my own career ambitions in the last year, in terms of getting my design portfolio up to speed, making connections, all of that, and now it goes on the back burner just as it was really getting hot. I made this choice willingly, and I know that this was the time to do it, but that doesn't absolve me from all feelings of ambivalence about it. It's amazing how much of our identity comes from our 9-5 work, despite the fact that we tell ourselves it's just a job. I just don't want to disappear...
Posted by mwashburn at May 20, 2005 09:25 AMPosted to self reflection
Comments
I struggled with those same concerns (and still do). And don't worry -- you won't disappear unless you let yourself. There are many days when I wish I was still working, but at least for me, the trade-off is worth it. Enjoy your time alone before the baby arrives! :-)
Posted by: Carol at May 20, 2005 11:39 AM
I am so glad that my job ended in February and that I had plenty of time at home before Lucas's arrival (to get things done, to have some "me" time, to hang out with Jeff, to prepare his nursery, etc.). Those are normal worries ... it's OK to feel that way.
Posted by: Lisanne at May 20, 2005 12:06 PM
Well, I think another ingredient I failed to mention is a healthy dose of guilt. But, I've had a lot of friends tell me that moms have enough guilt heaped upon them without succumbing to their own, so that's the first thing I need to deal with. Thanks for your support guys.
Posted by: flygrrl at May 20, 2005 01:00 PM
Well, I think another ingredient I failed to mention is a healthy dose of guilt. But, I've had a lot of friends tell me that moms have enough guilt heaped upon them without succumbing to their own, so that's the first thing I need to deal with. Thanks for your support guys.
Posted by: flygrrl at May 20, 2005 01:00 PM