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May 01, 2007
Amish "Friendship" Bread
Day one: This is the day you receive your starter. Do nothing.
Day two: Mush the bag.
Day three: Mush the bag.
Day four: Mush the bag.
Day five: Add one cup each of flour, sugar, milk. Mush the bag.
Day six: Mush the bag. Begin to wonder if all this stuff festering on your counter is really hygienic.
Day seven: Mush the bag.
Day eight: Forget to Mush the Bag until bedtime. Mush the bag.
Day nine: Mush the bag.
Day ten: Put starter in a non-metal bowl. Add 1 1/2 cup each of flour, sugar, milk. Mix with non-metal spoon. Wonder if it really affects the bread or if the non-metal requirement is just an Amish thing. Put one cup of starter into each of four plastic bags. To the remaining batter add three eggs, 1 cup oil, 1/2 cup milk, 1/2 tsp vanilla, 1 cup sugar, 2 tsp cinnamon, 1 1/2 tsp baking powder, 1/2 tsp baking soda, 1/2 tsp salt, 2 cups flour, 1 large or 2 small vanilla pudding mixes. Wonder how the Amish can't ride in cars but can use JELL-O instant pudding mix. Grease 2 loaf pans and dust with cinnamon and sugar. Divide batter evenly between loaf pans, top with more cinnamon and sugar, and bake at 325 degrees for 1 hour. Enjoy eating almost an entire loaf of the addicting stuff as soon as it comes out of the oven. Wonder who to give starters to, seeing as all your friends were present at the same time you were handed your bag. Opt to send starters to work with husband.
Day 11: Start cycle of mushing bag again.
Day 15: Add 1 cup each of flour, sugar, and milk. Really start to think about how long this thing has been festering.
Day 20: Bake more bread. Start to really resent bags of starter all over your counter. Wonder if you really want to get to know the neighbors well enough to curse them with Amish friendship bread. Opt to throw out starter, but feel guilty about wasting all that flour, sugar, and milk.
Day 25: Mush bag.
Day 30: Bake more bread. Husband now has a crack-like addiction to the stuff. Resent friend who gave you the starter in the first place. Throw out additional starters, but feel guilty again about wasting flour, sugar, and milk that could be feeding the Hungry-with-a-capital-H.
Day 31: Decide that the Amish really know nothing of friendship.
Posted by mwashburn at May 1, 2007 03:42 PMPosted to just for fun
Comments
best.recipe.ever.
That stuff is better than crack. It's better than a crack-and-peanut-butter sandwich with a side of cocaine snorted off a high-priced prostitute's gigantic, fake tittie.
Posted by: adam at May 1, 2007 05:23 PM
That sounds good! I love making homemade bread, although I don't think I could have lasted the 31 days. What is starter? Is that just some dry ingredients to start with?
Posted by: Heidi at May 1, 2007 05:57 PM
Oh no, starter is the already-fermenting ooze you get to begin with. It's a sourdough thing.
Posted by: flygrrl at May 1, 2007 06:45 PM
Yeah, thinking too much about the starter kind of got Abbe and I off of this stuff about 5 years ago. Think about it: you could have a very tiny bit of the original stuff in there. And how old is that shit? I know, it's maybe just a molecule's worth of the original, but HOW OLD IS IT?
Sorry. I'm doing it again. It's yummy, but I ain't touching old food.
Posted by: Jesse at May 2, 2007 01:36 PM
Lauren made this once, before we were married. I immediatly began referring to it as "dirty rotten bread". She has never made it since (and I have never been happier).
eggs+milk+time+germy counter tops = trouble.
For the other readers, note that Adam used to delight in eating entire spoonfuls of sugar, not to mention chef-boy-r-dee straight from the can. His taste buds must be shot.
Posted by: b at May 4, 2007 02:29 PM
OK, well if you folks are so paranoid about fermentation, better stop eating yogurt and beer as well as sourdough bread. Microbes are our friends!
Posted by: flygrrl at May 4, 2007 02:43 PM
Yogurt and beer are cultured by professionals whom I can sue. Sourdough bread, though, is just gross. It even tries to warn you with it's terrible taste.
Posted by: b at May 4, 2007 04:35 PM
can i get the starter to start it myself
Posted by: marilu davis at May 19, 2008 02:26 PM
Just got some of this stuff myself and after messing it up a bit, renamed it Amish Enemy Bread.
And, I love this post.
Posted by: Bethany Zabrosky at May 26, 2008 01:58 PM
Jello pudding was not in the original Amish recipe, some non-Amish person added it! I made this all the time in the 80's...it's responsible for an extra 20 lbs. I've had since then. Anyway, made it fine without the pudding mix.
Posted by: Missy Bolger at September 21, 2008 02:24 PM