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April 28, 2008

My Artful Weekend

We started off our weekend by attending a talk by Found Magazine founder Davy Rothbart at South Shore Arts. He is a really sweet, funny, entertaining guy and we had fun talking to him after his presentation. We also bought his new book, The Lone Surfer of Montana, Kansas, which is stories from his travels around the country. I think it was great to talk to him because he's so genuinely interested in people, in that kind of Ira Glass, non-patronizing-yet-finding-the-weirdest-people sort of way. His talk accompanied a show of found photographs from one couple's collection at South Shore. I think they were mainly things like flea market finds, etc., but some really striking, weird, and poignant images.

Saturday was a yard work day, and Sunday we took the train to Chicago to see the Edward Hopper exhibit at the Art Institute. I really enjoyed it. I've always been interested in his work, largely from a technical point of view. There's just something so eerie about his work, and what's really interesting is that when you look at his etchings, illustration work, and early paintings, you see what a master draftsman he was, yet his best works handle certain details, especially figures, in such a clumsy way. You realize it is totally deliberate; that what he wants you to look at is the light and the architecture. His paintings of New York are not about people at all, but about the spaces. A nude in a bedroom is the backdrop, the star of the painting is the ornate facade of the building you can see out her window.

So I didn't get much painting done this weekend (plus I'm in need of a tube of Cerulean blue), but I did spend a lot of time looking at things, which is a necessary part of the process as well.

Posted by mwashburn at 05:57 PM | Comments (0)

April 23, 2008

Things People Said to Me

A sampling of the responses I received when calling voters from Obama campaign headquarters this afternoon, asking if they were registered to vote and whether we could count on their support in the Democratic primary on May 6:

"Don't ask me those kinds of questions"

"I don't want anything to do with HIM" (said in a tone of absolute disgust)

"We don't support him." Click

I'd say I encountered equal numbers of Hillarys, Baracks, undecideds, and hangups, but far more not-at-homes and disconnected numbers. But it was entertaining and I'm apparently going back for more, as they wouldn't take no for an answer.

Posted by mwashburn at 04:52 PM | Comments (2)

April 22, 2008

File Under: WTF Is Wrong With People?

The local news tonight featured interviews with disgruntled motorists at the gas pump, since oil hit an all time high today. So this one whiner says "someone in Washington has to do something about these prices" as he fuels up his Canyonero Gas Guzzler.

Let's think about this a minute. Ever heard of Supply and Demand? Why is it Washington's (and thereby the rest of our, financially speaking) job to subsidize your God-Given right to drive as much as you want, all alone in your gas-guzzling oversized vehicle? Come on, people. I just keep thinking that if everyone stopped for just a goddamn second and thought about how their choices impacted everyone else, and made one little fucking change every day, it would work out better for everyone. But people are too selfish and stupid to bother. I'm just really in a snit about it this evening. Instead of going "gee, things are getting tough, I'd better change my behavior," we have people going "hey, this isn't fair. Someone ELSE needs to pay for my choices." Americans seem to be in this perpetual state of self-centered adolescence, and it's literally ruining the world.

On a more optimistic note, I like to think that there are lots of smart, caring, motivated people working on these problems, trying to find solutions that are viable and affordable, working to change minds and fund better ways. I'm trying to concentrate right now on what I *do* have control over, what choices I can make and the little ways in which I can influence others. On that note, I did something today a little out of character for me and that I've never done before. I stopped by our local Obama headquarters, got a yard sign, and pledged a couple of hours of volunteer time between now and the IN primary. I have always tended to sit on the fence politically, and define myself more by what I'm against than what I'm for. It feels really good to declare that I'm for something and someone, and to do something about it. It's also pretty exciting that the Indiana primary will actually mean something this time around.

In the meantime, I'll be tuning up my bicycle for my short commute to work (though I'll still need to stop and get my car to pick up the Bug from daycare at this point), and Adam is carpooling as much as possible. I lament the fact that we don't have viable public transport options here, but what are you gonna do. They're trying. I actually did make a decision recently to order something online (to be delivered UPS) and pay the shipping rather than drive 30 miles round trip to look for it.

I actually read something really cool last week about how UPS plans all their routes in right-hand loops; delivery trucks save an astronomical amount on fuel by not spending time idling in left-turn lanes. I thought that was really cool. And smart. They're not whining that the government should subsidize their wasteful left-hand delivery route turns!

End of rant. I feel better now.

Posted by mwashburn at 09:40 PM | Comments (1)

April 21, 2008

Those Who Don't Get It

In light of recent events, I thought I'd share, and attempt to refute, a letter published in last month's issue of Wired. K.D. of Los Angeles writes (in part):
The psychiatrists and their bogus "diseases" fool no one. There is nothing wrong with feeling anger, jealousy, or even deep anguish. It's an integral part of being human. Why would we want to blunt something so innate and inextricably woven into our being? Likewise, when the incredible and beautiful moments of life occur, do you want to be slammed on Prozac? I think not.

While I am quite willing to accept the idea that people can, to a frightening degree, self-diagnose psychiatric disorders and walk away from just about any practitioner in any specialty with an antidepressant prescription, I disagree strongly with the idea that people are turning to drugs to blunt normal human emotions. The writer of this letter, clearly, has never been depressed. Of course normal life events trigger everything from "the blues" to deep anguish, and any psychotherapist worth her salt will tell you that, and focus on the real work that most of us need to do to deal with those emotions.

I always pooh-poohed the concept of depression and drugs for depression too. I had my own (some not-so-healthy) mechanisms for dealing with what I was going through, my own existential crises and needs and failings. I went to therapy when it was warranted. I went on with my life. Then my daughter was born and I experienced the very real, very disturbing phenomenon of Postpartum Depression. I got better. Life went on for a couple of years. Then I got worse again. This isn't "gee, I'm a little grumpy about work." This is the physical feeling of not being able to move or summon the energy to do everyday tasks. The inability to focus thoughts, see past tomorrow, or find any hopeful thought in your life. The color drains out of everything, obsessive thoughts take over, and numbness sets in. You just don't want to BE.

I am currently, as the letter-writer so eloquently put it "slammed on Prozac." But you know what? I once again have the energy and drive to make meaning, to experience the profound joy of motherhood, and the ability to think about my goals and do the work to fix what isn't working in my life. For people who experience true depression, drugs can help you once again experience the range of human emotion, not the opposite. Only someone who has never experienced depression and never used antidepressants could think that they result in some sort of zombified happiness. Speaking from ignorance outrages me more than informed opinion, no matter what that opinion might be.

Posted by mwashburn at 07:49 AM | Comments (0)

April 18, 2008

Spring Might Finally Be Here

It's been sort of a wacky couple of days. Bout number three of the stomach flu (the Bug, not me), earthquakes, and 70 degree temperatures. While I enjoyed the mini-vacation yesterday, I missed the beautiful weather that has started to (finally!!) occur. My lettuce is sprouting and it's almost time to plant the rest of the garden. I always find that my mood, my energy, everything seems better when the weather gets nice and we have more daylight.
Naturally, my thoughts start to turn to outside home projects. I think our tasks this year include power washing the siding, possibly replacing the busted old garage door, and trying to make less of a mess of our front walkway for as cheap as possible. Dream plans include a swingset and some sort of patio in back. We have our yard-sale patio set we got last year, and the market umbrella that Adam's parents bought us, which is nice, but wouldn't it be great to have a real brick patio and some nice Adirondack Chairs? I think it's awesome that lovemypatio.com sells a rainbow of colors. Now if they only had child-sized ones, we'd be in business. I'm from the Adirondacks, so I suppose I have to have Adirondack chairs to "keep it real."

Yay spring!!!

Posted by mwashburn at 08:52 AM | Comments (0)

April 15, 2008

Weird, Funny, and a Little Bit Creepy

Posted by mwashburn at 02:34 PM | Comments (1)

April 13, 2008

Fits and Starts

There's a common misconception about the relationship between depression and the "artistic temperament." That is, that depression drives the creativity of the individuals prone to it. This is untrue. The creativity happens in the clear periods when the depression lifts and the artist has the energy and focus to create. I am living this reality very much right now.

I have chronicled my bout with postpartum depression here, feeling that my openness on the subject could only help other people who might be going through the same thing. I have not, however, really talked about more garden-variety depression. What I am finding out is that the tools I used to have to stave it off are no longer working for me in this brave new post-childbearing world. I haven't shared this with any but a few close friends and family members, but the last 4-6 months have been very difficult ones for me. When I went through postpartum depression, I felt somehow "ok" about it because there was a fixed, external circumstance I could blame for what I went through. This time has not been as cut and dry, but as before I didn't see what was happening to me until I was at the bottom of the well. It has affected my interaction with other people, my interaction with my family, my work, and definitely my creative output. Now that I'm getting help and feeling the dark cloud lifting, I'm suddenly feeling a huge bloom of creative energy and feeling very optimistic about 2008 as the year I am going to start really "being an artist." I still find myself trying to grasp "why," and having a hard time accepting that there isn't necessarily an answer to that and, once again, that it isn't some mark of failure on my part.

I attended an arts luncheon last week, and found out about several organizations and exhibit opportunities I plan to pursue in the coming months. I just finished a fairly ambitious painting and have two other small ones in progress with sketches for a third. It feels really good to have the color back in my life and to be finding joy and balance again. My goal lately has been to do one artistic thing each day, and I have been living up to that goal pretty well.

So thank you to all of you who have listened to me, offered support, or just been my friend. Here's another recent sketch to share.

Posted by mwashburn at 11:53 AM | Comments (0)

April 08, 2008

CraigsList Coup

For quite a while I've been thinking about getting a metal flat file/blueprint cabinet to store some of my artwork. I have numerous large paintings on paper that have been rolled up for years (very, very bad for them) as well as canvases and sketchbooks and portfolios leaning up against walls, in closets, under futons, etc. But, the price has always been pretty prohibitive. You can easily pay upwards of $800 for a good one. So on a whim I posted on Craigslist that I was looking for such a thing. Within days, my post was answered by a crusty retired guy near Joliet who collects and resells antique furniture. All I can figure is that he picked this up at an estate sale and had no clue what it was worth. There are two separate cabinets, 37" x 47", that stack:

Some of the paint is scratched off, and there's a teensy bit of rust on the back of one of the cabinets. Still, the two cabinets are worth easily $1200. The price tag? $100. I made two trips to Joliet (3 hours round trip) with a friend's jeep to get all of it home, but now that it's here I'm soooo happy. I got the studio straightened up on Sunday. There's still more to do, but now all my artwork has a home and it was fun to go through so much of my old stuff. I think with a little effort I'll be painting just like the old days. I haven't lost as much as I thought.

Posted by mwashburn at 07:29 AM | Comments (3)

April 02, 2008

Daily Drawings, Days 4-7

I've been pulling out some old artwork lately, and these recent little sketches make me feel so completely incompetent compared with the things that once flowed from my pencil. I'm hoping it's like exercise and will come back with practice.

Posted by mwashburn at 05:19 PM | Comments (0)