March 26, 2008

Oh yeah, I have a Blog

So I've been dealing with some personal crap lately, and haven't been a very good blogger. I have started a "drawing of the day" just to force myself into some kind of artistic production/visual journaling. My first goal is to do one drawing per day for a week, and in April I hope to start the more ambitious one drawing per day for a month. However, actually scanning and posting these drawings seems like more than I can handle at the moment, so sorry to tease and not share. I'll share what I can, when I can.

Posted by mwashburn at 02:37 PM | Comments (0)

January 25, 2008

Thoughts on Boxing

I've actually been thinking a lot about martial arts and boxing lately. I really miss the training, the people I worked out with (and, of course, the self-confidence that comes with knowing you can throw a grown man to the ground and choke him unconscious in less than 30 seconds). I suppose many would find my martial arts and boxing obsession odd for a woman, but I think it's a combination of a lot of things for me. I never liked team sports, so when I found martial arts it was like a whole new world of enjoying exercise opened up to me. It helped me get in really good shape, I made a lot of great friends, and it was something that not everyone did.

Other than watching some old Muhammed Ali fights, I never watched a whole lot of heavyweight boxing. A lot of people say that it's gotten too commercialized, that a lot of the spirit of the training has been lost, but now there are a lot of up-and-comers who seem to be bringing some life back to the sport. The Oscar de la Hoya/Floyd Mayweather fight broke all Pay-Per-View records, and the proposed rematch this fall is looking to match it. Here's a link to get Oscar De La Hoya vs Floyd Mayweather Jr. tickets, if seeing it live is your thing.

I think whether you're watching UFC/Mixed Martial Arts style fighting or professional boxing, it's more enjoyable to watch people who really know what they're doing and are really on top of their game. There has been a lot of controversy over UFC-style fighting, but here's the thing... now that it's gone pro, it's pretty darn safe. The bar-room "ultimate fights" that go on can be pretty bad, because there's no regulation of equal matchups, weight classes, or ability levels. And the other thing is the blood. People freak out about the blood. There's less of that now that so many people are training in jiu jitsu and have a good ground game. What happens when you don't wear boxing gloves is that skin ends up splitting from punches. It's ugly, but actually does less damage than 16-oz boxing gloves. Those rattle your brain, which causes knockouts, and can cause swelling and long-term damage to the brain. But it's all safer than Nascar, statistically speaking.

I really need to re-read Joyce Carol Oates' On Boxing. There's another woman obsessed with the sport. Her book is a really great ode to boxing that also explores a lot of the racial, class, and social politics that go with it. Really interesting stuff. I also think it's awesome that more women are getting into boxing and mixed martial arts. Although I think as long as there are ring card girls, it's going to be hard for female athletes to get the respect they deserve. We can be warriors too, dammit.

In any case, as I don't have Pay-Per-View, I doubt I'll be watching the de la Hoya/Mayweather fight live, but who knows, I might check it out online later. Stay tuned.

Posted by mwashburn at 09:04 AM | Comments (0)

October 31, 2007

Bitch, Bitch, Bitch

I, at this point in my life, probably should not be allowed to complain. But complain I shall. Though, as a rule, I do not talk about work on my blog, let me just speak in generalities for a moment. Everyone wants everything immediately and cheaply, and don't really care how that impacts the quality of life of anyone else on the planet, economically, environmentally, or otherwise. No one is interested in really paying for design. The first question, before the parameters for a project are even discussed, is "how much?" And, as an aside, I really really HATE being called "sweetheart," "hon," or "honey," and I don't give a damn if it's a man or a woman saying it, I find it extremely condescending.

Other things that annoy me, in no particular order:
1. I'm still sick. This is ridiculous; it's been over a month now. I found out I might actually have had croup, and not bronchitis. I'm still very congested and seem to go from better to worse and back again over the span of a few days.
2. The fact that my idiotic misunderstanding of exchange rates caused me to pay $21 for Radiohead's In Rainbows instead of the $5 or so I intended.
3. The fact that my daughter was one of only three girls in her entire preschool not dressed as a fairy, princess, fairy princess, or whore/witch for this morning's Halloween parade. Even in the realm of fantasy our daughters are proscribed narrow gender-stereotyped roles as assigned by the Holiday Promotional aisle at Target.
4. Every time we pay off some of our household debts, more appear. What's that? You had a windfall and can pay down your home equity loan? Car accident! Oh, catching up are we? Remember that 0% interest retail credit card you used when you fixed your about-to-cave-in roof? Yep. That's due now. Fuck.
5. For the first time in, well, forever, we are probably gonna be alone on Thanksgiving. I don't say that to try to induce guilt in anyone we've invited who can't make it. I totally understand that most people have plans, and our event was usually just a fun and unexpected catch-all of people who were similarly resigned to staying in this part of the country. I just enjoy it a lot. There's just no way for us to travel to see family for it this year either. That will have to wait for Christmas.

And that whole train of thought sort of syncs up nicely with the melancholy induced by my current reading material. I'm reading the heartbreaking Mohawk by Richard Russo, who is from my sad little hometown in upstate New York. It's set in my home town, and though some of the people and places are shifted around slightly and names changed, I can just picture in such a real way these people and places, and it makes me homesick in a very weird way. From what he's said in interviews, I am now really really anxious to read Russo's new book, Bridge of Sighs, as it deals with a lot of the same ideas but looks at people who got out. The idea that staying=failure but leaving means severing family ties and lots of heartbreak too, and what became of those we left behind. It's just weird to understand his work on such a personal level (though he is my parents age, so generational differences apply).

In any case, I think I'll enjoy another beer and some Halloween candy, and try to keep it together until the weekend.

Posted by mwashburn at 06:38 PM | Comments (1)

September 16, 2007

A Few Words on Style

Something I have complained a lot about in the last year or so is that I'm having a hard time deciding "how I dress." The stuff I was wearing when I sort of dropped out in my very late twenties no longer works now that I'm in my early 30s. It's as much about my body and my lifestyle as it is purely an age thing. And now that I've got a job, I've needed to figure things out pretty quickly. As a rule, my child tends to be dressed much better than me.

I have had the pleasure of going on a couple of completely self-centered shopping trips lately, and am discovering that what seems to work for me these days is much less Gothic Slut and much more Naughty Librarian. Now, I know that clothes are... well, just clothes, but at the same time, as a visual person I guess I've always really enjoyed the possibilities for self-expression that clothes provide. And the right fit and cut can really make a difference in how good you look. I had to find a dress for today's festivities (more on that later) and I opted for a fairly simple, black dress with nice detailing. The accessories that will dress it up are a metal sequin bag and these shoes:

I've always wanted a pair of these, and so now I had a good excuse.

The general rules that I have found work for me, regardless of whether I'm shopping for work clothes or casual clothes are:

• Solid colors, or very very subtle patterns (after watching lots of What Not to Wear, I chalk this up to me being a Person of Small Stature.

• No elaborate collars (I prefer a wide neckline)

• No clingy fabrics (no matter how slim, it's just the way I'm shaped and the fact that I'm 5'2")

• No, absolutely NO lace.

• Cream or off-white rather than bright white.

• No pointy toes (sorry Stacy and Clinton)

Now, I do not intend these rules for everyone; they are just my personal findings that apply to me and me only. I leave it to others as to whether I'm successful in not looking like a crazy bag lady.

Posted by mwashburn at 12:15 PM | Comments (0)

January 24, 2007

Two Days Later

I really had no idea that this was going to be like grieving for a person. I feel worse than when my grandmother passed away. The house just seems so empty without the Sophster. And I find myself wishing I had hugged her just one more time. I remember thinking that I'd have time for her again when Lily got to be a little older. Of course, I didn't have that time and now I feel a bit guilty about it. Another lesson in live now, say what you need to say to people, be with your family, because you don't know how much time you've got.

Sophie's dog food was freecycled. A dog named, ironically, Lily, is going to enjoy it. I also got a contact name for a local dog rescue, and plan to donate her meds and a few other things. We are keeping the dog crate, as when some time has passed and we have healed, I know we will have room in our hearts for another dog.

I was laying in bed with Lily at bedtime Monday night, and Lily said "Mommy cry more." No, I said, I'm all done crying for now. "Happy?" she asked. No, I'm still very sad. "Mommy love Sophie. Daddy love Sophie." Of course, THAT made me cry. Although she doesn't seem upset per se, it amazes me that she's perceptive enough to know how upset we are and why. We tried to explain in an age-appropriate way what was happening, and had her say goodbye to Sophie. She's asked about her a couple of times, but seems to accept the fact that she's gone. Adam and I, on the other hand, are not quite so accepting and are prone to burst into tears at the slightest provocation. It still seems so new and raw.

Posted by mwashburn at 01:20 PM | Comments (2)

December 02, 2006

Giving Thanks

This is a way overdue post on Thanksgiving that I started writing last week sometime...

Sorry for the lack of posts lately, but the real world has rendered the virtual one quite unimportant as of late. We had a wonderful holiday, with visiting family, old friends, new friends, and a big ol' turkey roasted quite capably by Adam. We started a tradition a few years back of hosting dinner on Thanksgiving, and every year I think it means more to me. It has been a time for people in completely different spheres of our lives to meet one another, and this year was more special because we were hosting in our first house. We were "home" much more so than in years past.

I think that I look forward to Thanksgiving just as much, if not moreso than Christmas. Thanksgiving lets me feel close to the people I care about and makes me, quite literally, very thankful for all I have. And it lacks the crass commercialism of Christmas. Now we get to negotiate that territory with a child. How to let the grandparents have their fun and still teach Lily the humble restraint we'd like her to have in the face of so much consumerism? I guess we'll find out. We've already threatened to take every gift containing batteries to Goodwill once the holiday is over. I realize that she's going to be exposed to all this stuff eventually, which in my mind is even more argument for keeping her from it now. We've started attending a parent-child Waldorf preschool class once a week, and Lily has a blast playing with simple, wooden toys and dolls. She is so much more engaged than when I watch her with a battery-operated toy, mindlessly pushing a button over and over.

Well, that isn't where I intended this post to go, but here it is. To sum up, I'd like to wish all our friends, family, and loved ones a wonderful holiday season. Before I turn into a complete Grinch.

Posted by mwashburn at 07:58 PM | Comments (0)

November 06, 2006

YO-GA! YO-GA!

OK, I have another God-related post coming up here soon, I just haven't had a chance to get my thoughts together. I just started reading Stealing Jesus by Bruce Bawer, so let me get a little further into that and I'll report back.

In any case, I have finally gotten my proverbial (and literal) butt into a yoga class. The instructor happens to be a fellow UU-church-goer, so I had met her before starting the class. It's "fitness yoga" meaning they dispense with all the mystical gobbledy-gook (though I do really enjoy hearing the names of the poses in Sanskrit), and concentrate on moving through poses fairly quickly to enhance muscle tone, circulation, and flexibility. I now feel like I need to find another day per week (class meets only on Sundays) to practice yoga, as it just feels wonderful to be doing it again and I'm not really getting much else in the way of non-cardiovascular exercise.

So, it's a motley crew each week, people seem to just come and go, but one fellow student intrigues me. There's a woman who looks to be about my age, seems somewhat shy, and is covered with really nice tattoos. I've spotted Tattoo Woman at the Y before, and am trying to figure out how to introduce myself without coming off as a complete dork. "Hi. I have tattoos too. Can we be friends?" Duh. As if that automatically means we're meant to be BFF... I have so many friends who are good at going up to complete strangers and striking up non-dorky conversations, but I'm always left feeling like I'm 16 years old again, in awe of the cool kids with not a thing to say. I tend to tag along behind someone cooler than me whom I do know, hoping to be introduced to the Coolest of the Cool.

There isn't much room for chit-chat in a yoga class either. Well, I was able to chat before class with the college kid who is the Parent-Child swim class instructor for our Saturday morning class with Lily. So, oops, I've obviously been seen Talking to a Jock, which means the Cool Arty Kids are never gonna speak to me now. See what I mean?

Posted by mwashburn at 02:12 PM | Comments (2)

March 06, 2006

Painting painting

It really is true that the busier I am, the busier I am. I've gotten two paintings about 90% finished in the last couple of days, which feels really good. One is the next in the birth series, and the other is a painting for my sister. I'm actually really happy with both of them. Part of this is due to the fact that Lily is, for now, starting to sleep a bit better. I've had long afternoon naps during which many things can be accomplished. I finally feel like we have a schedule going, and it is quickly becoming inviolable. I'm making appointments around her sleep schedule... they told me it would happen and I didn't believe them.

In house news, I have to go meet a number of specialists tomorrow to look at the various issues and what needs to be done to remedy them. We'll then toss that info back to the seller and see where it goes. We leave for Adam's spring break week on Thursday morning, so we hope to have things wrapped up by then. Yep, headed to NY to hang with the family for a few days. I'm looking forward to it. Lily gets to meet yet more relatives and friends.

Posted by mwashburn at 04:57 PM | Comments (2)

November 19, 2005

Zoloft Dreams

The only side effect I've been noticing from the Zoloft is really weird, vivid dreams almost every night. I have to be careful what I watch on television, because the last thing I watch at night generally ends up in my dreams in some horribly twisted form. I have started the guilty pleasure of watching Martha Stewart's new show on TLC daily, and so Martha is occurring frequently in my dreams. Last night, I was interviewing with her to try to get a job, but somehow she worked at a combination of the bookstore I used to work at and an antique store. I had a good conversation with her, but blew the interview when I kept calling her Madonna. She kept correcting me, saying "that's not allowed" and "we don't use that name here." I think it was her nickname or something. Even stranger was the dream I had last week, in which I was cleaning Martha Stewart's teeth, and she had three rows of them, like a shark. Could there be some hidden meaning in all this???

Posted by mwashburn at 02:28 PM | Comments (1)

October 31, 2005

Second Lamest Halloween Ever

Last Halloween, I was newly pregnant and in the throes of morning sickness. The snack-size 100 Grand bars that Adam bought to hand out were one of the only things I was able to choke down. We handed out candy but otherwise stayed home and were thoroughly lame. This year, all I did was dress my baby in a devil suit. Adam is working late, so I'll be handing out candy with my little devil and trying to keep Sophie from knocking small children over. It didn't even occur to me that I could have taken the Bug trick or treating. Nevermind that she's not even eating solid food yet, she's cute enough and dressed up enough that I could have scored some free chocolate for myself. Guess I'll have to hit Barnes and Noble tomorrow for the half price Halloween Godiva. I am so lame.

Posted by mwashburn at 02:29 PM | Comments (6)

October 18, 2005

Fuck Clinton and Stacy

I've gotten in the habit of watching What Not to Wear on TLC, especially now that it's on at 11am when I can sit and nurse the Bug. Usually, Clinton and Stacy manage to turn some poor schlub of any ugly, misguided duckling into a fashionable swan. Their style sense is generally a bit skewed and everyone comes out looking like an upwardly mobile Manhattanite, but OK, it's a big improvement. I love a good makeover; who doesn't?

Today, though, those two crossed a line. Their victim was Krissa, new mom to a four-month-old daughter (can you see why this might have struck a nerve?) Apparently it was unacceptable, even to her family, that this poor woman should run around in sweats and a baseball cap. Now, first of all, who the fuck has TIME to put on layers, and things that require buttons? Second of all, when you carry around a baby all day, how the fuck are you supposed to wear a three inch heel? Third of all, how do you nurse when wearing a fitted button-down? Fourth of all, who is going to listen to their baby cry while they give themsevles a perfect blowout? And last, who, after having a new baby, has 5 grand to buy such a fabulous wardrobe (unless, of course, they're lucky enough to make it on to a popular makeover program)?

If I had 5 grand right now, I might buy some clothes, but I'd also hire a babysitter. It's just insulting to me to be told that with everything else I'm juggling right now, I'm supposed to be that worried about what I wear to run to Target. Yes, I still care how I look, and I agree that even new moms need to take time for themselves. However, I'd rather have a cup of coffee with friends or read a book than spend my precious free time looking fabulous enough for the Dynamic Duo of Daytime. Am I overreacting? Maybe. Am I ruining my marriage by not looking quite sexy enough these days? Could I try a little bit harder? Maybe, but please, Daytime Television, treat me like I'm something more than a mannequin. TLC was my last bastion of mindless daytime television that didn't fry every last brain cell I own. Now I've got a grudge.

Posted by mwashburn at 01:13 PM | Comments (6)

October 17, 2005

Sleep deprived and nothing to show for it

I feel like absolute crap today. My allergies are acting up, and the Bug has been a sleeptime train wreck for a couple of days. She's also hitting another growth spurt (!) and has been sucking the life out of me for three days straight. I can't seem to eat enough to keep up. I would go get some lunch, but she's sleeping on our bed which seems to be the only place she'll fall asleep anymore, and becuase somewhere in the back of my head I believe the Parenting Nazis, I'm afraid she'll somehow die if I am not able to reach her in a nanosecond.

I had a good weekend, though. Part of the story is available at Ennui Central, but I can cover the rest here. Saturday night, while Adam and bottomfeeder were up in Chi-town, I hung out at home with the Bug. She fell asleep early (don't worry, she woke up every three hours to eat all night long) so I got to watch Sideways again on HBO.

It's really good to see old friends. I am trying so hard to make new ones, but it's just not the same, you know? Sunday, after a hearty breakfast at the Viking Chili Bowl, bottomfeeder endured a couple hours of my feminist rantings on motherhood, then hit the road. Adam and I spent the afternoon driving by potential houses and stumbled into an open house in a pretty darn cool place. Huge rooms, lots of built-in storage, and a cool partially finished basement that reminded me so much of my grandmother's house. I don't know if we'll make an offer, I'm kind of not there mentally yet, but we'll at least mention it to the real estate agent to help her comprehend what it is we're looking for (it's not a 1950s ranch, I can assure you).

Oh, so the rest of Sunday: then there was some walking about at the arboretum in beautiful fall weather, then some dinner, then lots of crying and not much sleeping. Sorry to end on a down note. I'm just resting up today, though I suppose I'll drag myself to the gym at some point. Oh yeah, and then there's the Asian bird flu, and something about running out of oil, and lots of earthquakes and such. Sigh.

Posted by mwashburn at 01:00 PM | Comments (1)

October 14, 2005

Some Days I just Hate Myself

Boy, you feel like a real jerk going through the drive-through at Starbucks and ordering a Tall Decaf Soy Latte.

sigh.

Posted by mwashburn at 01:33 PM | Comments (2)

October 03, 2005

And My Husband Accuses ME of Being "Anal Retentive"

I opened the coat closet this morning to find this:

Thanks hon.

Posted by mwashburn at 11:18 AM | Comments (2)

September 07, 2005

On Turning 31

If you had told me ten years ago that at the ripe old age of 31 I'd be living in Northern Indiana, married, a stay-at-home mom, I'd have told you that you were nuts. But here I am. And I have no regrets. It is a little weird being officially "in my 30s" as opposed to just being 30, which is still the cusp of your 20s. I don't have a whole lot of time to think about Me right now in an immediate sense, but I do a lot of thinking about Me in a more existential way. I'm going through a process of finding myself again. It's something I've done many times throughout my life, and this is just one more stage. It's just strange to find yourself staring into the face of something and someone you thought you'd never be. And I'm finding that the reason I never wanted to be this person was because I didn't really know her.

To celebrate this latest temporal achievement, Adam bought me breakfast out at Panera this morning. It is now a weekly tradition, but today we lingered a little longer and I got some cool gifts from him and Lily. Choke by Chuck Palanhiuk, and Kraus' The Layout Index (it's a graphic design thing). Lily gave me swedish fish and sour patch fruits. Delish. I spent the rest of the day pulling down ugly wallpaper borders that the previous tenants put up (ugh. These people, in addition to being smokers and cat owners, had terrible decorating sense), searching for the finishing touches for Lily's room, and doing all the usual Mommy routine things. I also enjoyed a glass of wine with my dinner, because damnit, it's my birthday.

It's weird how being a mother suddenly makes all your other little insecurites seem like child's play. The last week has been a little rough; there's been some regression in the sleeping and nap-taking routine, and I've found myself exhausted and in tears more than once. I worry about so many things; all I want is for Lily to be a happy, healthy, good person. I'm confident enough not to listen to other people too much, but my inner critic has to question everything I do. Each moment with her passes so quickly that I worry about having missed some window of opportunity or having failed at some critical aspect of her development. When I take a step back I realize that babies are very resilient and that their biggest need is love and affection, and that she has in spades. Mornings are probably the best part of my day now, before the exhaustion sets in. And every single morning I'm there when Lily opens her eyes and gives me a big, beaming grin.

Posted by mwashburn at 06:29 PM | Comments (3)

June 30, 2005

Feeling Sorry for Myself

I am grabbing a moment while Lily is napping to actually browse the internet instead of just distractedly answering emails. She's had a grumbly tummy the past day or so, and has demanded some extra cuddling. I don't really mind; I love her more than anything, and even more than that when she's *not* crying, but good lord, when do I ever ever ever get to do any flygrrl things again? I just don't see how it's humanly possible without a nanny. It depresses me a little, then I feel guilty for resenting my baby less than three weeks from when I brought the poor creature into this world. I know this is all completely normal hormonal emotional postpartum stuff, but jeez. They tell you it's hard, but I had no idea.

We've started going for daily walks; I figure the sunlight will do me some good and help lift my mood a little. But forget current events. Forget the artwork I have to do for people who are actually paying me. I try to think of something to talk about besides the baby and I just draw a blank. It's scary. I'm becoming that person I swore I'd never be. Again, yes, I'm probably being too hard on myself waay too soon, but if you know me, you know I move fast. Utterly impatient. I need to learn patience to be a parent. And I can be incredibly patient with the Bug, just not with myself. I did have my first tear-free day yesterday though. That was an accomplishment. Some days the tears are happy ones, some days they are utterly despondent ones, but I think I've cried more in the last two weeks than in the last two decades.

The only other thing really going on is preparing for our move. I'm looking forward to that too; getting out of this one-horse town will be a big improvement. It doesn't help me much that I have to get Lily gigged up and drive half an hour to actually see people or do things. Being able to walk to a cafe will make me feel much more sane.

Posted by mwashburn at 01:09 PM | Comments (3)

May 20, 2005

Officially Unemployed

Today is the first day of my new life as a housewife. Well, that's maybe putting it a bit strongly, but for the first time in my adult life, I do not have a full-time, wage-paying job. Even though I had grown to hate my job, I still really have mixed feelings about this. I was very proud of myself that I pulled no punches in the exit interview. I was diplomatic, but I made sure that some of my concerns were aired.

I'm thrilled that I get a little bit of time to relax and center before I have the baby, but it's laced with a little bit of panic. Panic about money, about the future, and about my own identity. Although I plan to pick up freelance design and writing/editing work where I can, reality is that this new little creature in our lives is going to pretty much dominate my life for the next year. I wouldn't miss it for the world, but there's the little part of my brain whispering to me that I've come so far with my own career ambitions in the last year, in terms of getting my design portfolio up to speed, making connections, all of that, and now it goes on the back burner just as it was really getting hot. I made this choice willingly, and I know that this was the time to do it, but that doesn't absolve me from all feelings of ambivalence about it. It's amazing how much of our identity comes from our 9-5 work, despite the fact that we tell ourselves it's just a job. I just don't want to disappear...

Posted by mwashburn at 09:25 AM | Comments (4)

April 10, 2005

Random Thoughts on Moving, Websites, and Expired Groceries

It's been a busy weekend. We did some real-life apartment hunting; always grueling, and it's worse because that was probably my last trip out of town until after baby is here. We're a little early, so most of the people with decent properties didn't know what they'd have available in August. We did hook up with one guy who seemed incredibly nice, knows our friends, and showed us a really cute house. Chances are, he will have something open when we need it, though the rent is maybe a teensy bit more than we wanted to pay.

My hours at home this weekend have been spent getting the Official Baby Website up and running. It's not a public site, so if you'd like the url and logon info, email me (and if you don't know how to do that, you probably don't know me well enough to get access to my super-exclusive baby site). I think it's the best site I've put together yet. I still may have to tweak the colors a little; I think it's hard to read on some screens. I forget that not everyone has the benefit of Graphic Designers' tools like I do, tee hee.

The upside of the whole moving anxiety is that we will be leaving the horrible, terrible, very bad town of Rantoul. Not a moment too soon, as far as I'm concerned. Out of time constraints and laziness I suffered through the small town grocery store here again this weekend. I saw Yoplait mango strawberry yogurt on sale for like 50 cents. Yay! I thought... then, on second thought, I looked at the expiration date. It was a week past... um... I don't think you can do that. This is the same store that sold me frozen grouper in a thawed state labeled as fresh red snapper... I was so tempted to start an argument with the manager today, as lo, I am Cranky Pregnant Woman; behold my Wrath. But I refrained. I might look into filing an online complaint with the county health department, if such a thing can be done.

Why do I feel a need to torture the denizens of this poor, hapless, down-on-its-luck town? I don't know. Maybe it makes me feel better about myself. I do love the fact that leaving the house in an IU t-shirt and NY Yankees baseball cap is one of the more offensive things I can do around here.

Posted by mwashburn at 05:54 PM | Comments (0)

February 25, 2005

What a Friday

I have to thank Carol for today's bit of nonsense. I was the Wicked Witch of Low Blood Sugar today, thanks to cranky lab techs and the grocery store... 28 week labs my butt... grumble grumble... but, anyway, I spent a few minutes blog surfing when I got home, and Carol reminded me of those weird little Mr. Men books from way back when.

The website features a really fun interactive feature where you can create your own Mr. Men or Little Miss character (I won't even get into some sort of Cranky Feminist thing about why the Misses are little... no energy for it today). So here I am:

Posted by mwashburn at 03:56 PM | Comments (4)

February 22, 2005

WTF?

Last night, I dreamt that Adam and I had just moved to a large apartment in California. There was a second dog crate, on top of Sophie's, in the apartment. I thought that there was a turtle living in it, but found out that there were actually three kittens, a puppy, and a parrot living there, and that I had not been feeding them. I was horrified and very worried abou them, but also kind of overwhelmed that I had to take care of so many animals.

Phil Spector (pictured above) was our landlord, and he dropped by (in his bathrobe) to tell us we couldn't live there if we weren't going to take better care of our pets, and that he was very disappointed in me. He also added that I was a bad artist.

Posted by mwashburn at 07:44 AM | Comments (1)

February 18, 2005

Friday

GOD I HATE NASCAR

Apparently, millions of dollars are going to be spent building a NASCAR track in New York City. Out on Long Island somewhere, I think is what I heard. Good for them.

Posted by mwashburn at 01:00 PM | Comments (0)

February 13, 2005

Maybe My Subconscious is Trying to Tell Me Something

What does it mean when you dream that your employer is trying to burn down a warehouse building with fifteen gradeschool children inside it? And that the rest of the company is threatening you for speaking out about it?

Posted by mwashburn at 10:37 AM | Comments (4)

January 26, 2005

Shark People

I had a colleague in my masters degree program who referred to people like herself and me as "shark people," in that if we do not keep moving, we will die. I always find that the busier I am, the more productive I am. Right now, in addition to working four ten-hour work days, taking a night class that takes up 6+ hours per week of my time, researching daycare centers, working on a freelance project, and being pregnant, I have also found some time to finally update my website. It still needs some work; I feel pretty inadequate as a web designer, but I have added a fine art section and will be updating the 'about' section with a list of exhibitions soon. For your perusal, entertainment, whatever, once again may I present: Studio Virgo

Posted by mwashburn at 09:47 PM | Comments (2)

January 05, 2005

My Car is Officially Embarrassing to Me

My car had some problems when I first obtained it. It was my late Grandmother's car, and she was a woman who probably shouldn't have been behind the wheel at the end. But we loved her, and her daily trips "upstreet" and "down the line" were what kept her going. The wheel rims were very deformed from all the curbs she hit, and the front end a bit wiggy. So I have the enjoyable experience of a vibrating massage any time I drive the car over 50 mph. Then there's the perfectly symmetrical dent in the trunk, from my Grandmother backing into a post in the garage. I get picked on constantly by new co-workers and mechanics who think that the goofy woman driver must have done this to the car.

I also think that my grandmother was taken for a ride when she bought this car-- two of the front panels and the front bumper do not seem to be original to the car; they don't quite match the color of the body. Well, that and the fact that the bumper began to relentlessly peel on my daily commutes to work. As one of my current co-workers described it, "wow! It looks like you drove through the sun!"

As if all that weren't bad enough, I was rear-ended at a red light while we were living in Indianapolis, which loosened the rear passenger side of the back bumper and scratched the plastic a bit. I figured the car already had so many cosmetic "issues" that I wasn't going to worry about fixing it or filing a claim, especially since no damage was done to the other person's all metal 1970s behemoth.

Now, the latest addition to the "personality" of my car was a fender-bender in a rainy parking lot last night that resulted in similar detachment of my front bumper. It's really starting to look like the Trashmobile. As it was practically a free car, in that I paid cash for it and have put over 50,000 miles on it, I really can't see bothering a whole lot about repairs that don't relate to keeping the thing running. But really, there is my pride.

Posted by mwashburn at 10:39 AM | Comments (2)

December 13, 2004

The Obligatory Christmas Post

Believe me, the irony of the Office Atheist constantly playing Christmas music is not lost on me. It's just that I have all these great childhood memories of Christmas, and it's a time for me to eat great food and goodies, and to be with family and all of that good stuff. I don't think of it as Jesus' birthday (which, biblical scholars tell us, it isn't). It has also crossed my mind to make a stink with the village about the nativity scene in their little Christmas display at the park, but who has time when you've got 15 dozen christmas cookies to bake?

Posted by mwashburn at 09:40 AM | Comments (10)

November 28, 2004

Wanted: Sous Chef. Lousy pay, good working atmosphere.

I think it's official that I have outdone myself. We had a fantastic Thanksgiving; got to spend it with friends, as usual, and between myself and Master Turkey Roaster Adam, we kicked out a pretty good dinner. I also made a lot of things with leftovers, and ended up cooking today to take food to two women in town who just had babies (it's a thing our food co-op tries to do-- everyone volunteers to make one meal, so that the new Mom doesn't have to cook for a week or two).

So, the grand total is:

-Thanksgiving Day-
stuffing (lots)
3lb ginger sweet potatoes
green beans with almonds
pasta shells stuffed with almonds and pumpkin
butter rolls (from scratch)
cranberry-orange relish
cheesecake

-Friday-
Buttermilk Pancakes
Sausage

-Saturday-
Buttermilk Waffles
Fried Eggs
Turkey soup (I even made stock from the carcass!)
Grilled Cheese Sandwiches

-Sunday-
Pumpkin Scones
Cranberry Scones
Black Bean Quiche (3 quiches; one to keep, 2 to share, with crust from scratch)

My kitchen is a disaster and I am exhausted and covered with flour.

Posted by mwashburn at 07:34 PM | Comments (4)

Pros and Cons

The five worst things about being pregnant:

1. Giving up alcohol.
2. Morning sickness.
3. Painful breasts.
4. Having to take a crossword to the bathroom with me.
5. Sleep.

The five best things about being pregnant:

1. Saying "yes" to sour cream.
2. Satisfying those cravings.
3. Bigger breasts.
4. Talking to Mom all the time.
5. Sleep.

So, yes, it's true. Another of those life lessons in "Never say never." And yes, it was on purpose. In late May or early June, we will be unleashing yet another little rugrat on an unwary world. I never really thought much about having children. We really thought it wasn't of interest. But one day last fall, my biological clock struck 11:00, and the rest is history... I can't say I'm enjoying pregnancy. Yes, the three-month hangover that is the First Trimester has officially ended and I am finally in the blessed Second Trimester, where the sun comes out from behind the clouds, and the birds begin to chirp, and the bunnies come out, and... oh, wait, that was a Disney movie. Well, I am feeling better, but now that the morning sickness has ended, the hip pain and struggle to tie the shoes has begun. I guess I always took bending over for granted. Sigh.

The most frustrating thing has been my severely shortened day. Thank goodness I finally got my website up, because all my creative energy has been drained. I sure hope the placenta figures out how to use Adobe Illustrator... What few good hours I have during the day are spent foraging for food and preparing more food for tomorrow. At 9:30 pm I hit "the wall" and a fatigue the likes of which I have never felt before (except for maybe having mono in the 11th grade), my eyes clamp shut and I am *done* until the sun comes up again. Oh, except for the 1-2 middle-of-the-night pee breaks I have now.

The upside is that my mantra is now "it's temporary." A mantra that should serve me well through midnight feedings, teething, tantrums, and teenager hood. I still can't believe this is my life.

Posted by mwashburn at 01:02 PM | Comments (6)

November 17, 2004

The Best Thing

You know what the best thing is?

When your husband buys you expensive chocolates for absolutely no reason. That's the best thing.

Posted by mwashburn at 11:26 AM | Comments (3)

October 10, 2004

A Lovely Weekend

This weekend was a beautiful fall weekend in the Cornfield State, as I like to call it. Friday night we finally ate the first good Italian food I've had in the Midwest, at a restaurant called Biaggi's. I think it may be a chain, but I don't care. Then we went to see our favorite local Rawk Band, the Poster Children, at a cafe. We know we're old because we sat outside, since it was too loud and smoky inside. It was actually a beautiful night and all the windows were open, so it was almost romantic. I guess this entry is shaping up to be about everything I ate this weekend. We got up this morning fairly early, as is our Sunday morning custom, only to realize with horror that we had no bread in the house. I had to have French Toast, so we jumped in the car and drove to town to go to LePeep, since we finally discovered where it was on Friday night (it's right behind Biaggi's). Tonight I tried my hand at Thai green curry. It came out pretty good, but trust me, don't read the label on a can of coconut milk...

Posted by mwashburn at 07:41 PM | Comments (5)

October 06, 2004

The Pessimist

I'm not in a very good mood today. I left work sick this morning, proceeded to take a three hour nap, and am now starving. So, I have decided to be grumpy. One small bit of cheer is something I heard online today about last night's Vice Presidential debates (which I did not watch). Dick Cheney apparently urged viewers to go to factcheck.com to get "the truth" when he in fact meant to send them to factcheck.org. Here's a brief excerpt from the Wall Street Journal about the comical results:

FactCheck.com is owned by Name Administration Inc., a Cayman Islands company that engages in so-called "domain parking" -- it acquires discarded Web sites and monetizes the traffic with text advertising. The site had been showing education-related ads, mostly for online-degree programs, when Mr. Cheney mentioned the site during the debate. Suddenly, Name Administration saw a surge in traffic -- about 50,000 unique visitors in the first hour -- which costs the company money for Internet bandwidth, according to John Berryhill, Name Administration's attorney.
....So employees redirected traffic to the Soros site, not because of any request nor payment from Mr. Soros's organization or supporters, but based on their own political viewpoints, Mr. Berryhill said. "Individuals within the company are favorably disposed to George Soros's political point of view," said Mr. Berryhill.

As of writing this, I have not been able to get on factcheck.org, but it has apparently already posted an article covering the mixup.

Posted by mwashburn at 02:55 PM | Comments (1)

September 23, 2004

Shoulds

I have been really bad about keeping up with the thread of questions posed by Ariel Gore in The Mother Trip. So, today, another post on that theme.

In what areas of my life am I still living out someone else's "shoulds"?

Hm. I think as I've gotten older, I have slowly thrown out the 'shoulds' in my life. I don't find myself saying "should" too much, except about mostly inconsequential things ("We should stop at so-and-so's party, just for a little while"; "I should clean the bathroom"; "I should finish such and such project that's been sitting in the studio for months on end.") I tend to "should" myself when I'm feeling a little down or when I compare myself to other people. The older I get, the fewer compromises I'm willing to make, though, and so it is sometimes freeing to just not do something I "should." Not the most compelling insight, but maybe one I should look at a little more... ah, there's that word again.

Posted by mwashburn at 07:52 PM | Comments (1)

September 16, 2004

Four More Years!

Not of George W., silly, of our marriage. Today is our wedding anniveresary. No big plans this evening, but we are headed to Chicago this weekend to go to the Museum of Science and Industry and check out the Renegade Craft Fair. Should be groovy. Here are some gorgeous flowers that Adam got me today (no carnations in this bunch!)

Posted by mwashburn at 09:49 PM | Comments (3)

September 06, 2004

Passion

To continue on the theme of answering questions posed by Ariel Gore's The Mother Trip (see the old archives for the beginning of this thread), today's question is "Where is My Passion?"

I have a lot of passion for a lot of things, which is what keeps me busy and, unfortunately, what keeps me from ever really relaxing. I have a passion for art, obvious to those who know me. It is rooted not just in the spiritual/intellectual enjoyment of art, but also in a much more primal joy of looking at things. Colors, shapes, textures, all excite me, which is why I love not just "fine art" but also things like fabric and paper and why I am such a sucker for good marketing-- I love a beautiful package. I also have a passion for knowledge. I always want to learn new things. I have a hard time comprehending intellectual contentment.

Another passion that I have on a very primal level is food. I love to eat. I love food. I love trying new things. I love cooking, because it is creating. I love to feed my friends. I only cook for people I care about. Feeding people seems like a very basic way to show love.

Posted by mwashburn at 01:16 PM | Comments (0)